Can't Be Tamed
by Sushi Chi
Summary: Puck is king of the school, and what every king needs someone to share the crown with. Puck/Kurt


**Disclaimer: If someone told you I owned Glee they'd be lying. Or we were in my dream.  
A/N: For the Gleeverse Challenge on LJ. Beta'd by a good friend. Written whilst watching George of the Jungle. I think you can see it's influence... Hope you enjoy!  
**

If high school were an actual jungle, as it sometimes seemed to be, Puck would be the King of it. He was sure. "I'm one hundred percent sure." Puck said with a smirk, "No one would even think of taking the title either. Not when they'd have to face my guns in a fight." Here he flexed his arms in a rather manly manner.

Which wasn't that hard as Puck was a really manly man.

And the joy of being the King of the Jungle was that he could have any mate he wanted. No one would resist him. He could have the cougars if he wanted, or some doe-eyed girl. "Or all them."

Of course, like with any King, he had to choose his friends wisely and keep them close. Though probably keep his enemies closer. "And no, that doesn't mean the stupid Glee club are my enemies. That'd be the football team. The jerks keep torturing my friends. And that shit ain't flying."

Not that shit usually flew. But that's besides the point.

The point was that Puck was King and he could have whatever he wanted in his realm (the realm being the school, of course). Though it must be pointed out that the King needed a mate. Just one. It wouldn't look good if he never settled down. "Chill dude, I'm still a teenager. I don't need to settle down till I'm like, old or something." The most logical mates for him were from the glee club, those who were his friends.

He could try and win the mother of his child, Quinn. It made sense, of course. The main problem in choosing her was that she already rejected him. "She didn't reject me, man. We just didn't mesh. Like if I went over to England and suggested a game of football. They'd show up with a soccer ball and I kinda hate soccer. Me and soccer don't mesh."

The next logical idea for his mate would be Santana. She was a fierce woman who would hold no prisoners. They had a good repertoire, her and Puck, but she wouldn't even try and keep Puck true. "Stop trying to put me in a relationship. I can't be tamed. That's the only way I'm like that Miley bitch. We can't be tamed." The main problem with Santana is that she would make Puck her puppet and she'd rule the school, it wouldn't be Puck being the King. He'd dance when told to and wipe his ass only after asking. "What the fuck? How dare you say that? I wipe my ass only when I want to."

Rachel wouldn't work. It just wouldn't. She was too caught up in herself and her love of Finn to be a good mate for the King. She wouldn't respond to Puck's needs. "And boy do I ever have needs."

Tina was deeply in love with Mike. She wouldn't even look at Puck in the way we'd want her too. Which really is okay because Tina and Mike are just plain adorable. "If you say they're adorable I guess they are. You are the narrator."

Brittany was going to either end up with Artie or Santana. "Which is fine by me." Puck said, "Artie's my boy. And Santana would kill me if I got between her and Britt. I remember this one when I walked in on them and suggested a threesome because I thought they'd go for that. Santana is seriously freaky in the sack but she just tied me up and then threw me out of the room and locked the door behind her." He growled, "I had to wait till they were done for them to untie me and then Brittany petted me on the head - as if I were a pet."

Again. Not the point.

Mercedes had too much self respect for being the mate of Puck. She never fell for his charms and was focused on her singing career. As that girl should be because she had talent. "And sweet, sweet curves."

Which left us with only the men of the club, and the list would go faster than with the women. "WTF? Dude, I don't like men. I'm all for the women." Except that one time when he had the threesome with Matt and April, "Dude, shut up. That doesn't count. Threesome." And that one time when Puck went to a gay club, "Hey man. That's a secret. And I was only curious about the man love after I read about prostates that one time when Finn lied to me. And in reading about that I thought about it and it sounded interesting. But don't be thinking I had some dick in my ass though. I had my dick in the other guy's ass. And yeah, he seemed to enjoy it." Puck shrugged, "Not surprising. I am Puckasaurus. Rawr."

Mr. Schue was a teacher who would probably be tempted but wouldn't give in because he's lame and doesn't want to have the best sex of his life. "And I would be. I'd nail that teacher so hard he'd have to call into to school and then we'd get a kick ass substitute."

Brad was asexual so he doesn't count.

Finn was frightened of anyone's cock but his own. So that was out. "Plus he's my bro. I don't wanna do my bro."

Mike, as stated was with Tina, and was in an Epic Asian Love. He wouldn't cheat on Tina.

Artie was (apparently) Puck's boy. And we're not sure what that means, but we doubt that means Puck would want to do him. "I don't see why we're bothering discussing this. As stated: I can't be tamed. I'm a wild and unpredictable sex god."

Sam was a good idea. After all, Puck already had an obsession with the boy's mouth. "What? I do not. Don't say I do." Because when he met him he asked how many balls he could fit in his mouth. "I meant, like, golf balls. Not my man berries. Get with the program. And get your mind out the gutter. Jeez." If it weren't for the gutter, my mind would be homeless. Besides, you're one to talk, Puck. "Shut it. Just because I think about sexing most of the people I meet doesn't mean everything I say is innuendo. Just things said in an innuendo-y tone."

Honestly, the best idea for Puck's mate in the jungle that was school was Kurt. "Why didn't you just start this freakin' story with the gay kid then? And not waste our time?" Kurt couldn't deny Puck's guns. Kurt wouldn't put up with Puck's shit but unlike with Santana, wouldn't try and rule through the King. Besides the obvious sexual chemistry they had - "Dude, I'm failing that class. If you say we have chemistry I guess I should believe you." - Puck would be able to be a knight in shining armor. "Wait just a fucking second now. I thought we were going to the jungle analogy thing? Why suddenly switch up to knights and dragons and shit?" He could save Kurt from the bullies. Not that Kurt would out right say 'thank you'. No, Kurt would go a round about way to thank Puck. One that could be construed as sexual in nature. Or not. For all we'd know Kurt would just buy Puck a coffee. We wouldn't know unless Puck manned-up and started dating Kurt.

"Manned-up? Fuck that noise. I'm manly enough. You said yourself. King of Jungle and that shit." But what we'd need in order to get Puck to man-up is to realized how badass Kurt was. This was difficult when he usually saw Kurt sing (which honestly is badass - he's brave enough to sing what he wants and not worry about what Schue or anyone else would say) or Kurt be bullied (which honestly is also badass - he'd never backed down too much or show much fear, and the only reason why he had any fear is because they could pound him to a pulp and not only would that be painful, but Burt would worry more and not let Kurt out of his sight).

Kurt was brave enough to wear a corset to school and sneer in the face of Puck's enemies. He took slushies with a semblance of grace and stood up for his friends, protecting Tina during Gaga Week - "I didn't know he did that. That's cool of him." Not to mention the way Kurt knew his way around cars. "Say what?" Kurt grew up around engines and of course, became knowledgeable. By the age of ten Kurt could take apart an engine and put it back to together without much thought. "Really? That's kind of awesome."

Yes. It is kind of awesome.

"And y'know what?" Puck said thoughtfully, "Hummel's got a sweet ass."

With such reasoning rushing through his head, Puck had decided to court Kurt. Because a badass can only be happy when mated with another badass. "Rawr."


End file.
